tomorrow

right about this time tomorrow i'll be stepping on a plane in Dallas, Texas headed towards Tokyo, Japan. i'm not quite sure it's all hit me yet, but i do know that with each moment my anticipation to be there grows. i love love love to travel and asia has been a place that has recently captured my heart. i've never stepped foot on their continent but my heart is burdened and full of compassion for these precious people. as God summons the nations to his throne, he has given his children the privilege of being a part of that harvest. the fact is that there are billions [take a moment to think about that: billions of people] who don't know Jesus. if that thought doesn't break your heart, i'm not sure what will. i pray that i will never lose sight of the gravity of separation from God. if we really believe what the Bible says about Jesus, how can we stay silent anymore? how can we continue to love people when it's convenient for us? how can we not speak of salvation? we were not given the gift of salvation to keep it to ourselves. please know, i am asking myself these same questions. i know that He is fully capable of drawing people to himself without us. but what a privilege we have, to live in a love that is so graciously lavished on us, let us not forget our call to share this great Love. may we be a generation and a people that hear the command to go to the nations and make disciples, and go. and as we go, i pray that we learn what it means to trust and what it means to hear and follow the voice of God. let us be a generation that says "yes". a lot is about to change in the coming year, and i can't think of another way i would rather start 2009 than by experiencing God on the other side of the world; in a place that is so unfamiliar, there is a stirring in the depths of me that is beautifully familiar. i don't think i will ever fully comprehend the love and mercy and grace that has been shown to be by the Father. but in view of His greatness and my great need for him, i am compelled by his love.

2

2 more days in Huntsville. It's very strange right now. I literally only have the things that I'm taking to Japan left with me at my house, everything else has been transported to AU. So the past couple days I've been sporting t-shirts from high school. Today I decided to bust out the "2005 Senior Girls" pink t that has my name printed on the back. I know, reallll cool. But as I prepare for my trip... I've been trying to quiet my mind and allow the Lord to just breathe fresh truth into me. Today I've been constantly thinking about the verse Matthew 10:27 that says [What I tell you in the dark, speak into the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the rooftops.] This verse wells up a desire in me to make His name my proclamation. I have a lot of thoughts that are catalyzed by this verse, but I am still processing. So I am sorry if this seems scattered, or pointless. I pray that this verse is a catalyst for you in some way. May His name be made great in your life today. Let your song be His song. Your words flowing from the truth of who He is in you. He is the source of life.

3

3 things I miss about Auburn today:

• Tuesday night dinner

• Big Blue Bagel
• my precious community

4

4: how many loads of laundry I need to do before I pack. Lots to do. Not lots of time. 4 days till I fly to Tokyo. Wow.

for meg

Fortune cookies are my favorite part of eating at Chinese restaurants. Meg and I happened to eat lunch at P.F. Changs today and afterwards the waiter handed us two fortune cookies. As usual the cookies contained brilliant fortunes.

Meg's said [The simplest answer is to act].

Mine said [Some like it hot. Eat more Kung Pao].

Really.

5

I continue to find God in the thread. A lot has changed this year. In this season of my life, change has been closely followed by brokenness. Being broken sounds so negative. I pray that this thought isn't overwhelmed with a sorrowful tone. This broken feeling that I have come to know over and over again throughout the past year has allowed God to be the mender of me. He gently took the parts of me that had been broken and sewed them back together. With each stitch instilling a deeper knowledge and understanding of who He is. I still don't have an answer to every question or for things that have happened. But as I learn daily to walk in faith and obedience, I am also learning a lot about trust. And I am learning what it means to trust him with all the parts of me. Even the ones that are broken and don't seem to fit. And as I walk in the light of who He is, I begin to see more thread. I look at all the different pieces joining together in ways I never imagined and I see more evidence of Him in this vessel that he has gently mended back together to look more like him.

six

Isaiah 9:6 : "For to us a child is born, to us son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Today is the day that believers celebrate heaven on earth, manifested in Jesus Christ. I heard an interview on the radio with a man who was asked why he celebrated Christmas, his gentle response stunned me because he didn't hesitate for a second, his answer was genuine and natural. He said "As a believer I have to celebrate. It's the beginning of everything I know and love to be life. How could I not celebrate the Savior of the world coming to earth?" Wow. I pray that my mindset will always be centered around the fulfillment of this precious promise from God. In His infinite, unfailing love for his children he sent Jesus to reconcile us back to himself, that we may know his glory. I find myself in awe today as my little brain tries to wrap around the gravity of Christ's life here on earth. He came for you and for me. He is the embodiment of a love that we can't comprehend but we are freely given. Through faith, we have been made pure before the Father. There is no greater feeling than being able to enter the presence of the Creator of the Universe, and simply say thank you for more than words could ever express. Simply, thank you. This precious Father that we serve, he moves hearts towards Himself. He desires for the world to know his glory. It is because he sent his son for us, that we are sent to the nations to tell the good news. [Matthew 28:18-20: Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."] This savior that was promised to us in Isaiah, he has come! And he is alive and well.

[Merry Christmas.]

7

One week from today I'll be on a plane to Tokyo: that is crazy. I decided that before I go I am going to get a new book (or a couple books) to read on the trip there and back. Any suggestions? PS- Merry Christmas Eve ! May you feel the Lord near today. Enjoy time with family.

8

[Michelle,Liezl,Timothy, Lucy, Annie, Gabriel, Nathanial, Arata] These are the names of 8 precious kids I'm helping take care of in Japan. I'm anxious to know each one of their stories of life all across the Pacific Rim. I can only imagine the hilarious stories that these 8 children will tell. I'm so excited to be able to greet 8 different smiles each morning; to look into 8 different sets of eyes and tell them how much God loves them; to hear 8 different questions each hour about what we are doing next; to have the chance to know these children, the opportunity is humbling. I have a feeling that I am going to learn way more from them than they will learn or remember from me. Children have a funny way of doing that. The beauty of children is how simple and genuine they are. They trust and love and forgive so freely. I can't wait to share their stories.

9

"But what do we mean when we talk of God helping us? We mean God putting into us a bit of Himself, so to speak. He lends us a little of His reasoning powers and that is how we think: He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another. When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hand while we do it." C.S. Lewis This is a paragraph from Mere Christianity that I read recently and it beautifully articulates what my life looks like lately. I don't know the answers to a lot of questions right now, but I'm learning. And in my learning I will fail at some point, but the good news is that in my failures there is grace. And in my failures I learn more and more how much I need Him and how He is molding my heart to look more like His. God is gently taking my hand and writing out this beautiful story for me. I pray that I will always find comfort when my palm rests securely in His own. That I recognize the humble surrender it takes to live for the sake of His kingdom, but in that surrender there is freedom and abundant joy.

10

So, I decided to do a countdown of sorts for the ten days before I leave for Tokyo. I really love to travel and one of my favorite things is the airport. I love the whole idea of the airport. When you arrive you are about to start on a whole new journey, perhaps to a place all too familiar or perhaps somewhere new. When you return you are coming back with new perspective and new memories and to people that you love. But the best part about the airport, besides the smell of burnt coffee and the conglomerate of different food, is the people. The airport doesn't discriminate, there are people at every age and from every nationality, each with their own story and journey that collide in this one place for a short amount of time. People in airports fascinate me. One reason is because airports are this space where the whole spectrum of emotions interact on a constant basis. Anticipation can really abide at every step from the parking lot to the runway, it fluctuates differently within each person. Frustration usually lives on the first floor, near the baggage claim and the check in desk. Sadness floats near the departures of the ones we love. Joy meets us at the handing over of a boarding pass or the return to baggage claim after a trip. People don't always follow my nice little thought pattern of our emotional journey through the airport, and that's when airports become really intriguing. I could sit for hours and watch people as they scurry to their terminals, people are fascinating and funny that's for sure. One thing I would love to do someday is set aside a particular amount of money, pack a bag with enough clothes for a week or so, go the airport and figure out how far my savings can take me, buy a ticket and go. I adore being immersed in a new culture, being surrounded by new faces and hearing a new language. Life is an adventure. Be spontaneous.

lanterns

I was driving through Atlanta the other night with my friend Christi and as we began to approach the city this thought came to me that I haven't been able to shake. We were driving from Auburn to Atlanta and on the interstate there aren't any street lights besides the ones on the exit ramps directing cars to gas stations or fast food. So as we got closer to the city there seemed to appear more lighting along the highway. It was late when we arrived and it had been raining that day. The clouds that remained seemed to drift right on top of the skyscrapers with the glow of the city reflecting from them. As we got closer to downtown Atlanta I realized how mesmerizing the city lights were. We had been driving down the dark interstate with only head lights leading our way for so long that the street lights and buildings stacked on top of one another bombarded our vision with their glow. Then I had this vivid image roll through my mind of a small group of people walking in total darkness, carrying lit lanterns by their sides. Then slowly, as they walked by, this city began to come to life behind them. Then after a moment there was this skyline that lit up the night, glowing so brightly. And I turned around to see those same people continuing to walk forward with their lights by their side. As they continued to walk side-by-side, they walked confidently and at a steady pace. Their humble lights still glowing in the dark.

repeat

i'm in cambridge studying for finals [try not to be jealous] . my music is on a little louder than usual in efforts to drown out the ongoing coffee grinder and people taking all around me. in the midst of typing some notes, this song called "Further the Sky" came on [its one of those songs that i could listen to on repeat for a while and not grow tired of it] and caused my mind to calm and reflect for just a moment.

take the time to sit today. take the time to listen, really listen to what's going on around you. listen intently to a friend's heart. listen to the news. listen to good music. listen to your favorite song on repeat.

some of my favorite lines from "Further the Sky":

[When you don't know where you're going and you don't know why.

It feels like another day's beating into the night.

Lay your head on my chest while my beatin’ heart pounds out the secret of this life.]

...more thoughts from finals study time will be coming soon...

playlist for life lately:

Ella Fitzgerald: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"

Brooke Fraser: "Arithmetic"

Charlie Hall: "Mystery"

Andy Davis: "It Just Happened That Way"

John Mayer: "In Your Atmosphere"

Jack Johnson: "Angel"

Hillsong: "Always"

Matt Nathanson: "Come On Get Higher"

Sara Barielles: "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay"

Jamie Cullum: "London Skies"

things teachers say...

"Good intentions are not the same as effectiveness."

awe. wonder. the rescue. encounter.

[this picture is provided compliments of bek] last night: december 8th: was the last encounter in america. i walked into the student center with mixed emotions. saddened, obviously by the thought of grace campus ending in auburn next fall. ecstatic, with the thought of how God has called grace campus to HK and the ways he is going to bless the obedience to that calling. but even in the ending of our weekly gathering on thursday, God has already stirred new beginnings. i don't think i can articulate how my heart felt sitting in the student center last night hearing the story of Jesus with a new wonder and awe; but i do know that i left feeling refreshed, feeling God pulling me into His heart and thankful for the great things that he has done. matt shared with us the story of Jesus from his son's storybook bible. matt read portions all the way through and as i listened i was humbled at the simple words telling the story of our rescue. i pray that the story of our God never becomes too familiar and i never cease to be amazed at how he has so perfectly orchestrated his story so that we would know him and have a relationship with him. He is running towards us with love and mercy and grace and freedom and redemption. may we respond with praise. may our lives reflect the love and grace that we have been shown. may we be overwhelmed by His goodness. may His name never been far from our lips. we are the children of His great rescue. we are the children He sent his humble son for. we are the children of grace, given unmerited favor and love because of our faith in Jesus. i am anxious to see all the ways God continues to begin beautiful new works in his children. thank you grace campus family for loving me out of the overflow of the Father. my life has been changed because of your presence here. last encounter in america: next encounter in HK

yes

may this be the response of our lives to the love we have so graciously encountered. ["Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your truth, we eagerly await for you, for your name and your renown are the desires of our souls."] .isaiah 26:8

significantly insignificant

I am significant because the Creator of the universe loves me. His spirit dwells in me because I am His child. I am set apart. Because of the cross, I appear before him pure and righteous. I am significant, not because of any of my own efforts, but because I live in the light of God's vision and his unconditional abounding love. I am insignificant in the fact that I am very, very, very small in the grand scheme of this place we call the Earth-even smaller in the grand scheme of the universe which my Creator imagined and breathed into existence. I stand at a height of 5'6", He is in the height of the heavens and lowest of depths [psalm 139:8].

The way of the world teaches us to put ourselves first, to focus on ourselves and I think that in our humanity we get caught in the lie sometimes that it's about us. It's not. When we fall into that thought, we begin to put ourselves first and suddenly life is revolving around our circumstances. The Way is exactly the opposite. We are called to be humble people. [Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3]. God guides the humble and teaches them his way. That's a promise in Psalm 25. That's truth that I want to cling to and live in. My heavenly Father is stirring vision and life in me that is way bigger than me. It's bigger than all my efforts, it's bigger than all my love, it's bigger than my wildest dreams, it's bigger and it's His. He is in control. His spirit dwells in this small heart of mine, and at the same time He is calling out stars one by one. I serve a big God. He is strong. He is mighty. He is power. He is justice. He is peace. God loves his children, and I can't help but be humbled at how great is love is for me when my life is but a moment in the span of eternity. And in the end it's not about me. It's all about Him. He is eternity's song.

blue bird

"bless her heart..."

I'm quite positive that's what about 15 people were thinking as I tried to walk through a door in Lowder today... It was windy & cold when I left my apartment this morning so I was bundled up with my green scarf (as high up as I could get it around my neck before it began to cover my face), my long winter jacket buttoned up, and my collar popped in an attempt to keep myself warm. I made my way to Big Blue for a guaranteed delicious breakfast. Finished my great bagel, filled up my coffee cup, got bundled up again and plugged my earphones in to finish a podcast I had started listening to during breakfast. You know those times when it is windy outside and you don't mind the wind because it's nice and calm? Well that's how I felt leaving Big Blue, I was enjoying the wind, I actually found myself being thankful for the wind and the way it helped to wake me up on my walk to Lowder. You know those times when it is windy outside and you don't even really want to be outside because you find yourself walking straight into the wind and you cant really take deep breaths because the wind steals them away with it's bitter chill? Well that's how I felt about 10 seconds after I started to be thankful for the wind. So my pace quickened and I pulled the door open, only to find myself pulled back and doubled over because the cord for my earphones had caught on the lock of the door. Well of course in my graceful fashion I let out a loud "hey-o" into the quiet hallway which was met with people turning to laugh and other people looking at me with the "bless her heart" look- you know the one. The story gets better no worries. There was a girl walking behind me towards the door and I'm choosing to believe that she didn't see me pulled back or doubled over because she would not have chosen to do what she did. I'm guessing that she thought I was not strong enough to open the door, so in her servant spirit, (let me remind you my earphone is still laced up between the locks on the door- halfway still plugged in my ear) she pulls the door all the way open which pulls me into her. Needless to say, at this point I am fully embarrassed. We both start laughing, joining in to the laughter and "bless her heart" looks already happening in the hallway. I finally get my earphone cord untangled and proceed to my first class. Welcome back from the break. Hope you had a great Monday.

Elf

In case you are having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit, here are some clips from one of my favorite movies:

• Congratulations:World's Best Cup of Coffee!
• 10 a.m. tomorrow, Santa is coming!
• Throne of Lies

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas!

thanksgiving has come so it is now officially time to:

crank up the christmas music.

overplay every christmas movie.

wrap the tree and your yard with lots of lights.

roast marshmallows over a real fire.

layer up.

break out the scarves and mittens.

drink hot chocolate any time of day.

pray for snow.

enjoy friends and family.

take time to tell those you love what they mean to you.

nashville and escalators

a few things i loved about nashville:

• a quote from a semi-cheesy class: "Imagination is dangerous because it can be a catalyst for us to dream and do things outside ourselves."
• wearing boots is always acceptable; actually you should probably own two pairs
• music on the street corners
• NHL plays there
• small town feeling in the middle of a big city
• seeing the need and wanting to be part of the change that is happening there

trying to find somewhere 'nashville-ish' to eat breakfast, but completely abandoning that mission at the sight of the "hot doughnut" sign in front of Krispy Kreme.

the golden leaves have all fallen: making room for christmas lights.

a plate nailed to the faux shelves at san antonio taco company the broken escalator in the conference center that reminded me of truth my heart needed to hear.[disclaimer: this may seem obvious and lame to some of you, but regardless i learned something walking up the escalator] i've heard people talk about the humor in frustration with broken escalators, because a broken escalator is merely a set of stairs. it leads you to the same place, doesn't cause a serious detour that takes way longer; it just causes you to use some muscle instead of gliding to your destination. so, as i approached the "stairs" i realized that i've been that person that becomes confused when the "escalator stops moving". in other words, there are times when my life seems to stop, or change suddenly & i've stopped moving instead of continuing to move forward. in the midst of that, the Lord still asks me to move forward, to use the simple lessons i've learned like: how to walk, to have faith that He is before me, to draw strength from Him, to seek His guidance and understanding; and to continue to move forward. yes, the escalator has stopped, but there is still a way. yes, it's different, but i'm not left without direction. yes, it may take effort. yes, i may be tired. yes, He is still enough. yes, His voice is still just as clear.

Nashville.

i'm currently in nashville at a conference. i have lots of thoughts/observations to come from this adventure, but for now i just wanted to share something that i heard tonight from one of the worship leaders. she said "in our failures, God gains access to the depths of us, he exposes us to our need for him and we learn what it is to love." [kendall payne]

thank you

thank you ms. lady who loves white socks and plaid hats. you brightened up college street with your presence.

starbucks and pacey

with our favorite drinks from starbucks in hand

[tracey: caramel machiato. me: white chocolate mocha]

pacey [tracey] and i got to sit on my couch for hours on end last night

and have some much needed bonding time.

moments like this with people i love are irreplaceable to me.

time when we can just sit and enjoy conversation without

an agenda or any place to go.

[pace: thanks for being the friend you are to me.

i love you very much. and wish the best for you and mike.]

abide

[Abide] in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, neither can you, unless you [abide] in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever [abides] in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not [abide] in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you [abide] in me and my words [abide] in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. [Abide] in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will [abide] in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and [abide] in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

[john 15:4-11]

As this semester begins to come to a close, I have found myself looking back at how God has so brilliantly shown Himself to me and how He is bringing my time in Auburn to a close. I begin to think about all the things I wanted to do when I first arrived here and all the things I'd still love to do while I'm here. But I am humbled by the thought that even in my greatest efforts and best intentions, He is the source of growth and fruit.

I am called to abide. To remain in Him. When I remain in Him the desires of my heart flow from His own. When I remain in Him I am secure. When I remain in Him I love people the way that I am called to. When I remain in Him more of me is hallowed out and more of Him is infiltrating the depths of me.

These words spark something in my heart that just makes me fall in love with Jesus all over again. A call to come in close and abide in him. It just echoes this call to come alive.

I know that I have said this time and time again, but so many things have changed for me this semester and in the midst of that change I still find one constant, one guarantee and that's His unfailing love for me.

fog

i had a million things rolling through my brain as my alarm rang this morning. sometimes it's really difficult for me to slow down. but this morning i got up early to make some coffee and looked out the window into one of my favorite things: fog. a giant cloud that had settled over our sleeping city. it seems as though everything is paused in the fog. everything seems tranquil for a little while. i guess it's that feeling of calm, but fog makes me want to slow down. it asks me to sit, be still and soak up a quiet moment.

truth for today

[From Breaking Free by Beth Moore] Love isn't just something God does; love is something He is.

auburn is a funny place

things teachers say...

"There is a way of the world, and there's another way..." there was a long pause that followed this statement from my government teacher. i'm not sure if he realized the weight of what he said. but i found myself once again lost in my own thoughts about how true this statement is. daily, i have a choice: the way of the world, or another way- which is The Way: Jesus. there is one Way that is life giving. one Way that is true. one Way that satisfies. one Way that gives peace. There is a way of the world, and there's another way...

colossians 2

reading through colossians 2 this morning and recognizing God's great love for me and you. He wants us to know His goodness and live in His wisdom & knowledge. what a privilege. we are made alive, presented blameless, & changed by faith in Jesus Christ. colossians 2:2-3 is a letter from Paul and in these verses he says: ["My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures or wisdom and knowledge."]

my God:mover of hearts

God moves hearts towards Himself. God moves seas so that generations may know his renown. God moves people to speak of His love. God moves hesitations so that we may know His infinite knowledge. God moves fear for His children to walk in victory. God moves doubt so that we may know His steadfast love. God moves chains so that freedom may be known. God moves darkness so that light may burst through in glorious radiance. God moves stones so that Jesus may be known as our Risen Savior. God moves words so that our eyes may repeatedly see and know His truth. God moves seasons to stir our imagination. God moves me. God moves you. God moves us towards Himself. God moves us for His renown. God moves us for His glory. God moves us for His love to be manifested in our changed lives. God moves hearts.

support

this post is long overdue, so please except my apologies for that,

but i just wanted to take a minute and say thank you to everyone who

is supporting me on my trip to japan. whether you have supported me monetarily, through prayer, or just an encouraging word: i appreciate you so much.

within 3 weeks of me mailing out my first support letter, i had raised more

than enough money to be able to go on this trip. and now, because i raised more than i needed, i am able to give that money to others on my team who are still raising support.

it's an incredible feeling to be so blessed and be able to turn around, out of the overflow of the Lord, and be able to give it back.

i believe wholeheartedly that when the Lord calls us to go, whether short-term or long-term, He will make a way for us. He doesn't call us to go without providing the means to do so. when dreams and callings seem bigger than us, there's a reason : they are so much bigger than us!

the Lord dreams and visions beyond anything that we can imagine

[ephesians 3:20 &21].

i can't wait to share with you how He shows up in Japan.

thank you again for giving with humble hearts, because the Lord's faithfulness was displayed in your giving.

i hope that He has made his love equally as evident in your everyday.

tales from morningside

i was greeted friday afternoon by three smiling faces. they were seated around a table playing dominos and invited me to play.

we ended up playing dominos for almost the entire 2 hours i was there. the three people that i played with i've seen almost every week and so we've become more familiar with each other as the month has passed. they've always been sweet and friendly, but this week they seemed more relaxed and told me stories of how they make each other laugh and how they deal with death.

it was incredible to me how they truly care for one another. they shared how it's not ideal for any of them to be there, but they make the most of each day. friday, one of the ladies named mrs. dollar had bought her friend nadine a witch's hat to wear on halloween. nadine didn't ask for it, it was all an attempt to simply make nadine smile.

well... after much coercing, nadine put on the hat and went around showing it off and saying "boo" to anyone who looked at her. mrs. dollar and i laughed for a good five minutes straight as we watched nadine 'scare' people. it was absolutely precious to see how happy mrs. dollar was that her friend was smiling and laughing.

these sweet people have taught me invaluable lessons and a beautiful reminder that no matter our age we are called to live in today.

isaiah 64:4 & 5

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. You come to help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways...

syrup soppin'

adventures in loachapoka, al:

avoiding winter

Winter has started to move into Auburn and I am so excited. The end of fall and beginning of winter is my favorite time of year. So many good things come along with winter: jackets, hockey, coffee any time of day, smores, fire in the fireplace, scarves, Christmas time... it's fantastic. As i made my way across campus today, I noticed that multiple people were in complete denial that winter has arrived. It is currently 54 degrees in Auburn, it's not ok to be wearing shorts and a tank top with rain boots today. It's cold. People are funny this way though, I feel like sometimes when change comes without expectation people continue on how they were before in efforts to stunt the incoming differences that will be met at the face of the change. The range of examples are as wide as the range of different changes we all experience. I feel like my life has changed so much in the past year and lately I've been learning how to live one day at a time and live with two expectations: for the Lord to guide me and show me how His renown can be evident in my life. I am asked more than once everyday what my plans are for the next year and with a smile on my face I have finally been able to confidently say "I have no idea, but the Lord has a plan so I'm trusting in that".[jeremiah 29:11-13] . It's not been an easy journey to be able to stand in that comfort, but the journey has been worth while and it's done nothing but lead me back to a place of surrender. This place that I stand in could be seen as lonely and dark. But in the light of who He is to me, it's one of the most beautiful places of uncertainty I've ever been. The word says to "be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" [psalm 27:14]. So I'm clinging to the truth that while He has shut doors of opportunity, and while I'm waiting for Him to open new ones that He is shaping me to look more like Himself. He wants so much more for us than we can ever imagine. So take heart and wait on the Lord. He wants to walk through change and newness with us. He is enough. He is bigger than our situation. He is bigger than our hearts. He loves us. Embrace the winter. Embrace change. Embrace His infinite wisdom in your circumstance.

Adventures...

some photo evidence from when Keri Anne went to purchase some boots & of why the south is near and dear to my heart :

you know you've been staring at your paper for too long when...

you type the word "informations" and you don't understand why the little red line underneath the word won't go away.

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord & he will give you the desires of your heart. This verse has been stirring in my heart almost constantly this weekend and today my heart realized that there is more than one beautiful promise intertwined in this verse. Not only is this a promise that the Lord will grant me the desires of my heart; but that when my heart is aligned with His, I am desiring the things of His heart. When my delight is in Him, I get to vision and dream with Him. He not only allows my heart to desire those things, He alone is the fulfillment of those dreams.

the fellowship of the unashamed

this was read last night at encounter. i've heard it before, but it's just as powerful and refreshing every time i hear it or read it. there's no way to really prep this but please read it. read it slowly and intentionally. i pray that my heart sings this same song. The Fellowship of the Unashamed I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power. My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up and paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes for His own, He'll have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear.

Ms. Lu

I have a GTA [graduate teaching assistant] for my government class named Ms. Lu. She is in her mid-30s and she is from Vietnam. I've never seen her without a smile on her face. Most of the time I wish that she would teach our class, but for now I just enjoy the few times that she gets to speak. Well, Ms. Lu has discovered YouTube. Her favorite new activity on Friday mornings is to play us a video to "wake yous up for the Friday morning class". I'm telling you, this lady is precious. The first week she played School House Rock: "I'm just a bill" : very appropriate and relevant to our class. Week 2: a video from OK Go : not so relevant to our class, she said that she thought it would make us dance Week 3 [today]: Carrie Underwood : "Last Name" : there was no explanation for this video, I walked into the classroom and the video was almost half-way over and had to contain my emotions to merely a smile. Everything in me wanted to laugh at the humor of the whole situation, but I kept my composure. I just wonder what she thinks of America. And if she listens to Carrie Underwood on a normal basis...So many questions. Needless to say, this morning started out fantastic thanks to Ms. Lu. I'll keep you updated on her discoveries on YouTube.

thursday

2 tests today. registration (for the last time - whoop whoop) . encounter tonight . lots of sleep . tomorrow is friday . word.

268 generation

the Passion movement is something that is very close to my heart. i believe that the Lord is using this movement to shape a generation of young adults to look more like Himself. currently they are on a world tour and their most recent stop was Tokyo, Japan. i just finished reading the blog about Passion Tokyo: http://268generation.com/blog/ i dare you to read through this blog without tears in your eyes. i'm sitting in my apartment in auburn, alabama with tears in my eyes and my heart racing. there is a global awakening happening for the renown of our God. i'm so thankful to be a part of it. the staff of grace campus is in Hong Kong as i type this and they are going to be serving at Passion Hong Kong on the16th. needless to say i'm slightly jealous of there first-hand experience, but more than ecstatic for them to experience that as well. there's a global awakening happening. the church is alive and well.

the line under the name

I was sitting in my drugs & behavior class this morning and we were watching a video about the meth problem in Atlanta. Every so often there would be an interview with someone and as their interview progressed there would be a box that popped up under their picture which contained their name and their job title or former addiction. There was one lady in particular who caught my attention...As she began to describe her former addiction to meth she said, "you never know who it's affecting, I used to teach VBS, I have two small children, I had a husband, seemingly great life on the outside." The only description under her name during the interview was "Former Meth Addict". I began to wonder, if given the opportunity, what she would place in the line under her name. Perhaps she wouldn't change it, perhaps she would, and have it say, "mother"or "believer"...that same thought lead to the concern that her past, specifically her addiction, has defined her for far too long. So often I feel as though we label people based on one aspect of who they were. I know it is almost impossible to describe oneself in one word or phrase, but my prayer is that I can begin to move past the habit of defining people by who they were or one thing they did and seeing the true identity of who they are. I know I have been shown indescribable grace, saved by one true Love. I wonder what would be placed under the line of my name. What would yours be?

red shoes. vanilla chai. orange/brown leaves. gray hat : good day

this weekend was filled with good conversation, quality time and lots of laughter. i'm still baffled at the daily reminders God gives me that he cares about my heart and my life, because i'm his child. i feel like i've been running a marathon for the past few days... [re-cap] friday: grace campus staff leaves for HK, long day o' classes, fun-filled afternoon of bingo at morningside, dinner & TCBY with my friend Casey. [playing bingo at morningside was one of my favorite afternoons there so far. my sweet friend grace wasn't there on friday so i met a new group of ladies and one gentleman who LOVED bingo. problem: they don't hear very well & sometimes i have trouble speaking clearly, esp. after 2 hours of sleep. so we got in this great rhythm after a couple rounds where i would say "B - 4", someone else would repeat me and then I'd say it again. they liked that system- otherwise there were arguments over the sounds "50" and "60"... they dont joke around with bingo. AND there were prizes involved on friday which made it more competitive. what were the prizes you ask? i was hoping you were wondering... hot chocolate mix, kit kats, mini snickers and fruit snacks- the winner of each round got to pick one treat. then right before dinner i decided everyone should get a treat for putting up with my lack of pronunciation. i am starting to really love these folks, they make me smile.] saturday: great conversation with my friend Tracy, football game [i still love my tigers], breezeway and The Great Debators sunday: cornerstone, time with Court, small group girls at Trinity- high school girls are hilarious- our time together sunday was really wonderful. we sat in 1 Corinthians 16:14, "Do everything in love.", for almost the whole hour. its a beautiful experience for me to walk along side these girls as they begin to embrace the gospel and the Lord reveals how applicable it is to their lives. after church i went to drop something off at my friend Catherine's apt and left hours later with such an encouraged heart. [recap concluded] ...despite all my running around the past few days, my spirit has felt so refreshed. there is a stirring that i can't articulate, but i just feel the Lord is about to reveal a lot in me and i'm excited about what is to come. i'm sorry if these thoughts are scattered, but know that life in Auburn for me is beyond beautiful right now. still learning to live day to day. still learning how to stand in the dark and love. still loving every moment.

humbled

If there was a word that properly expressed what it meant to be on your face, humbled, baffled, completely in love with the Lord, aware of His infinite goodness and faithfulness- that would be the adjective I would use to describe my heart right now. This semester has been so different that I ever imagined, but everyday I've become more aware of the Lord's abundant love for me. He has made himself so tangible, even on the difficult days. It's a beautiful, freeing thought to know that my life is not about me. It's about Christ in me. It's about His glory and His fame circling and infiltrating every inch of this globe. It's so much bigger than us. Rest in the fact that it's not about us.

home in photographs

sometimes i wish i could just tell my life in pictures.

[so, as i previously promised, here is my attempt to do that with my huntsville weekend]

[friday] i spent the afternoon at Morningside with Grace and learned lots of interesting new things about her life. this week she was especially inclined to tell me about her medical history...all of it- in detail. i saw scars and pacemakers and heard more details than i probably ever want to know. BUT the great thing that i took away from my experience on friday was the feeling that Grace and i have started to build a rapport. she trusts me, that's a beautiful feeling.

i didn't get to huntsville till around 10 on friday night, and after bringing all my stuff inside i hugged my mom and crawled straight into bed.

[saturday]

morning started out with an early trip to Hazel Green where my dad's family lives. its about a 30 minute drive from my mom's house, but i've come to really love that drive. it's just long enough for me to sit alone with my thoughts, but short enough that i don't become frustrated with the distance.

i had really good time with my family at dad's house. we talked about japan and how God is just perfectly orchestrating all of that everyday. it's so undeniably Him- that's the most beautiful part. the only sad thing about the Green was that I didn't get to see ashley while i was out there.

we are rarely home at the same time, but we both have 2 families to visit with while we are home so i understand her busy schedule because mine was almost the exact replication of her own. i did get to spend some time with mary [evidence below].

this is what happens when a police officer has only daughters: we turn belt holders into bracelets.

i think we were supposed to be cleaning the kitchen at this moment- but photo breaks are just needed sometimes.

my baby brother is 17. life is nuts.

i know, i know: my bangs are attacking my left eye.

is it normal for people to think your younger brother is your older brother? this happens quite frequently.

he's special.

mom only had 7 candles, so she re-lit them 3 times for him to be able to blow out 17 candles [with 4 to grow on]

mom's fam: with one of the deformed balloons. i'm not sure why but all the balloons we had were funny shapes, 2 popped in mom's face while she was trying to inflate them... the things moms do for their children :)

zach LOVES cake: obviously.

he asked for the 'Z' because it had the most icing, so he got the whole corner.

don't worry he ate all of it.

time at mom's house was really good as well. our nana and muffy [aunt] came over for some grub before the cookie cake fiasco began, they are always so much fun to be around.

i love my family.

i'm incredibly blessed.

sunrise and starbucks

it's a new day.

pink heart

i woke up really early this morning for some reason.

around 6:00 to be exact... i love the mornings, but this was still a bit early for me.

anyways: i grabbed my journal and my bible and got tucked back under my covers.

[side note-when i got up to get my journal i had also opened the top drawer to my desk and grabbed a pen and a pink skinny marker. why in the world i grabbed this marker is beyond me, but i did none-the-less.]

i wasn't sure where to begin this morning, so i spent some time just really asking God to breathe a fresh breath of Himself in my lungs and in that same moment sitting under the weight that His word is living and active.

i opened my journal and all i could think of was drawing a heart. i know, it seems completely lame and somewhat elementary but i couldn't shake this image from my mind. i tried to dismiss the idea and opened up to isaiah 54, which speaks of the love of the lord, specifically in verse 10 :

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

i wrote this down and then flipped back to galatians 5. this chapter has been a real foundation of what the Lord has taught me this year. it's a resounding declaration of freedom and call to live a life of love. i began to read down and got to verse 6 and my thought of a pink heart all made sense to me. galatains 5:6 reads:

"...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

this morning the Lord drew me in close to His heart with a fresh reminder of His everlasting, perfect, never-ending, unconditional love for me. my life, my faith, must be an expression of His love. His love is living water to the thirsty, its a breath of fresh air to the drowning, its a dance for the one bound by chains, it's His love that brings any good into this world. His love alone that is constant.

[yep, i really drew a heart in my journal:

i felt it only appropriate to remind myself

that He weaves my thoughts and understanding

together perfectly, so that i may know His heart.]

huntsville

i get to go to see my family this weekend!

i'm really excited about traveling home.

i'm not too fond of the drive when i have to travel alone, but i have some new good tunes and a couple phone dates that will hopefully fill up my 3 1/2 hour trip. we're celebrating my little brother's 17th birthday [a week late] on saturday- i can't believe he's that old. in my head i think that he's still 8 sometimes, then i see him and he's a whole head taller than me and now picks me up when i hug him. craziness.

good time ahead with both of my families- pictures are sure to come in the next post.

enjoy your weekend.

tell your family how much you love them.

soak up every moment.

psalm 36:5-9

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

your judgements are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O Lord.

How precious is your steadfast love O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house,

and you give them drink from the river of your delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light do we see light.

[precious: cherished: characterized by feeling or showing fond affection; a treasured heirloom]

public declaration

Yesterday morning I had an amazing breakfast with Mary Reading at Big Blue Bagel. Mary is one my favorite people in the world, her heart for the nations is something too beautiful to articulate, I know that the Lord is going to use her in incredible ways all around the world. I am so blessed to have the friends that I do! I love being able to sit and truly connect with someone, to talk about the tough things in life and laugh about life all in the same conversation. There was a breath of fresh air breathed into me after my conversation with Mary. God is amazing [well duh], but particularly in this circumstance, because He speaks to His children through His children: that's marvelous. After she left for work, I had a little time before class so I cleared off our table to read. As I cleared the table I began to notice all the things that had been carved into the table. I'm guessing that they have been there for a long time, but yesterday was the first time that I really paid any attention to them. They ranged from Greek letters, names, hearts and dates. I'm not sure what thought process happens that compels people to carve things into the tables of public restaurants, but I can't help but think they are emotions or feelings that run deep in them. All these names and dates symbolized something to someone, it was a way of publically declaring their heart. Whether carving those feelings into a table in a public restuarant was the best way to express them, that's arguable, but the fact is that they did. I paused for a moment before I began to read and thought:

what is my life declaring? who/what is my life publically declaring love for?

anonymous

This weekend was absolutely wonderful for so many reasons. But on Friday afternoon God showed me His faithfulness again in a very specific beautiful way. Christi had picked me up from class and we headed back to Hannah's house. When we got there Hannah handed me a blank envelope and said "this is for you". I was so confused, literally had NO clue what this envelope contained. So of course my mind is going a million miles an hour opening it, as I looked for any sign or hint as to where it came from. Inside there was no note, no card, nothing but slightly more than the exact amount of money I needed to meet the first Japan deadline for support. I slowly sat down in her over sized chair, completely blown away by how detailed and loving our God is. I don't know where the money came from, Hannah would only say that it was an anonymous gift for my trip, but I do know that God moves among His people and I'm ever grateful. If you were a part of the anonymous envelope delivery, thank you. thank you. thank you. The body of Christ is beautiful. I'm still amazed. I just hope that I never cease to be amazed at how He perfectly weaves my life together. God is faithful. God loves us unconditionally and so undeservedly. Thank you again for taking this journey with me.

so i've been really excited about japan this week.

for those of you reading this that have been praying

and that have helped me financially- thank you a million

times over. it's been great to watch how He truly does

provide.

i was reading the news this morning and decided to look

up tokyo on google maps. this is one of the first images that

came up:

i'm pumped.

closer

the past few days have been a whirlwind of activity and emotions.

this morning i got to take my sweet friend biscuet to the airport as he begins his journey to beijing for the next year or so. i feel like sometimes we play these games with our mind when people leave. it's like we pretend for so long that they aren't leaving. i have known for 3 weeks that i was going to be dropping him off this morning, but i felt incredibly overwhelmed this morning driving into the airport parking lot. there is no moment or experience in saying goodbye that prepares you for the next goodbye or makes it any easier. don't get me wrong, i'm thrilled that biscuet is going to beijing. God is moving in amazing ways over there. and i'm so glad to be able to call him friend and be able to hear about his experiences there. it's just another realization that life is ever-changing. and in less than a year i could potentially be anywhere around the world, living and loving people for the sake of the cross. this morning i felt like i should be saying something profound and encouraging to biscuet before he boarded the plane. but as i drove through the tangle of concrete in atlanta all my words left me.

after saying goodbye, as sat in my car i was so humbled and aware of how beautiful God's story is.

how big and marvelous and wonderful and powerful His vision over us is.

we get to be a part of that.

He is infinitely aware of our tears and of our laughter.

closer than my every breath and the beating of my heart.

sunday thoughts

understanding that i am frail & fallen does not justify me living and walking as though i am, because that is not my identity any longer- for i am a reflection of the Savior, a representation of grace.

grace

every friday this semester i have the chance to go visit morningside assisted living for a couple hours. this started out as a school assignment, but God is quickly reminding me that He walks with me and that He is evident in every detail of my day. today when i got to morningside the director asked me to go visit with two specific ladies. one was named grace. i walked back to grace's room and i found her door wide open, a ruffled quilt, a 'large print' book flipped over, but no sign of grace. as i was walking towards grace's room i passed a lady pushing a walker, just enjoying the day. well, when grace was no where to be found i decided i was going to do laps around morningside with this sweet lady and her walker. i approached her and asked if i could just walk with her, she agreed. so as we began to walk we introduced ourselves and guess who it was : mrs. grace. after our introduction the first question she asked was "would you like to see what God blessed me with today?" i said yes, and she stopped, stood up a little straighter and gently tapped the handle bars of her walker. with the biggest grin on her face, she said

[i had forgotten that i needed a new walker,

but God remembered and He brought it to me today]

i know getting a new walker may seem small and maybe even silly for you to think about. but grace reminded me of some simple truths today. He is in each intricate detail of humanity: from poverty to a nursing home. that it is God alone who gives and that our hearts should ever be in a state of gratitude.

i know that i have gone through too many days without appreciating the small things that he does for me.

He alone knows our need, and he does not forget. He is a God that gives and provides, not because i/we deserve it, but because His love is greater.

i was just encouraged today to be thankful for the basic things.

watch for all the "walkers" in your day. He knows your need. He doesn't forget.

imagination

But as it is written,

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him."

.1 Corinthians 2:9. [Isaiah 64:4]

Last night I was talking with a friend about the future, as we were talking he referred to the comfort and encouragement of this verse. How precious and unthinkable is the truth that resides in those words. Sometimes I can get really overwhelmed thinking of what my near future looks like. In May I will be moving somewhere to intern, then in August I will graduate from Auburn. It's very surreal to even think about that, much less type it out as a reality.

I can dream big, think of endless possible geographic locations I could be, think of people I could meet and places I could be serving, stir up new ideas but because He desires the best for His children- He dreams and plans bigger. I love that, based on the truth in that verse, my heart can't even imagine the things He is preparing me for. Not only for post graduation, but for today, for tomorrow, for Japan... I'm thrilled.

What is He preparing you for?

How is He evident in the stillness and in the busiest of days?

How is He using your interactions to shine light into your world?

Where is He in your day?

clouds

isaiah 45:8

"You heavens above, rain down righetousness;

let the clouds shower it down.

Let the earth open up wide, let salvation spring up,

let righteousness grow with it;

I, the Lord, I have created it. "

hannah and i have attempted to watch the sunrise twice this semester and both times we have been greeted by this view: clouds. did we check the weather you ask ? why yes, we did.

this morning we sat in our spot and just laughed at the clouds and did the next best thing we knew to do at 6:25 in the morning- we drove to starbucks :)

my morning with hannah was great. she is a priceless friend, an absolute treasure that i hope you have the chance to know someday.

but when she dropped me off i came up my stairs and decided to look up places in the word that clouds were significant. this verse in isaiah really just spoke to my heart. for so many reasons, but this morning specifically because i desire to see salvation spring up across a campus and a generation that is walking in darkness. i love this illustration of righteousness from the Lord raining down on us. if this is why the clouds are here this morning, i will welcome them with a joyful heart.