the difference in a clenched fist

I'm becoming more convinced everyday that surrender is something I will continue to learn throughout my life. At different stages, at different levels, all the while applying this understanding to the very day and situation I am in. I think about surrender in three stages:

• identifying what is before me
• exposing what is before me (which is accompanied by acceptance in it's presence, sharing it with others and exposing my recognition of it to God)

Often times this is where I find momentary satiation in my surrender. I recognized and then I exposed what it was, but I am missing a critical part of true surrender in all of my surrendering.

unclenching my fist.

The most crucial facet of true surrender. It's the hardest part I think. Unclenching my fist as I expose what is before me, releasing control and most importantly trusting (I'm talking about REALLY trusting) the Lord is in control. I've been choosing to actively participate in that last part. Sometimes, usually when the thing before me is unpleasant, it's so easy to let go. With gladness I'll let it go, hand it off, and in that moment I know that I know that I'm over my head. But that dismissing is perhaps almost as dangerous as having a fist unclenched. I don't know about you, but being too dismissive brings me to a passive attitude about what is going on. I know I'm not in control so I excuse not truly experiencing the circumstance and happenings of my life. Then there's this other scenario where the happenstance is good. When it's easy to rejoice in my circumstances. And still, there in that moment, the Lord wants all of who I am. Not to steal my joy, but to make much of his name in my suffering and in my happiness. So, I say all this to say that I strongly believe that the Lord, in his grace and goodness, wants us to experience him in his fullness. And somehow he beautifully works our surrender into knowing him more and truly living. In every moment of our day, every situation, every feeling and thought. So good and bad, difficult and easy, he's present and he's teaching. And I'm learning to embrace that more and more. Knowing that I will seek and find him when I seek him with all of who I am (Jeremiah 29:13).