the best surprise of all

I am going to marry my best friend.

A more detailed story, where I can brag on him, is soon to come. No worries.

paper & string

I made a paper heart garland for Valentine's Day, don't judge. I have a serious love for paper and string so this just seemed like a perfect combination for decorating. Today, however, is the day after Valentine's so it seems as though today would be the day to take down the hearts. But my dilemma is whether to leave them lingering in suspension for a few days or take them down. Perhaps I'm putting off taking them down because I have the best Valentine in the land. Either way, here they are, I guess they'll just have to stay up for a couple more days.

the difference in a clenched fist

I'm becoming more convinced everyday that surrender is something I will continue to learn throughout my life. At different stages, at different levels, all the while applying this understanding to the very day and situation I am in. I think about surrender in three stages:

• identifying what is before me
• exposing what is before me (which is accompanied by acceptance in it's presence, sharing it with others and exposing my recognition of it to God)

Often times this is where I find momentary satiation in my surrender. I recognized and then I exposed what it was, but I am missing a critical part of true surrender in all of my surrendering.

unclenching my fist.

The most crucial facet of true surrender. It's the hardest part I think. Unclenching my fist as I expose what is before me, releasing control and most importantly trusting (I'm talking about REALLY trusting) the Lord is in control. I've been choosing to actively participate in that last part. Sometimes, usually when the thing before me is unpleasant, it's so easy to let go. With gladness I'll let it go, hand it off, and in that moment I know that I know that I'm over my head. But that dismissing is perhaps almost as dangerous as having a fist unclenched. I don't know about you, but being too dismissive brings me to a passive attitude about what is going on. I know I'm not in control so I excuse not truly experiencing the circumstance and happenings of my life. Then there's this other scenario where the happenstance is good. When it's easy to rejoice in my circumstances. And still, there in that moment, the Lord wants all of who I am. Not to steal my joy, but to make much of his name in my suffering and in my happiness. So, I say all this to say that I strongly believe that the Lord, in his grace and goodness, wants us to experience him in his fullness. And somehow he beautifully works our surrender into knowing him more and truly living. In every moment of our day, every situation, every feeling and thought. So good and bad, difficult and easy, he's present and he's teaching. And I'm learning to embrace that more and more. Knowing that I will seek and find him when I seek him with all of who I am (Jeremiah 29:13).

lately

My board of bulletins has been keeping a make shift journal of sorts. The creative part of me loves to have things revolving on and off this board. A couple occupants are permanently stationed: a map of midtown, an outline of Turkey, a mini-clip board & foreign language flash cards. But apart from that, this space is where I like to place new ideas, inspiration and mementos (yes, I'm sentimental. Don't judge). My favorite right now is a portion of Gustave Caillebotte's Les raboteurs de parquet (The Floor Scrapers), a product of visiting the impressionist exhibit at the Frist over Christmas break. I love the ordinary strength captured in this piece and the simplicity of it all. So, today I'm found at my desk dreaming about a couple fun future projects. Hoping you have little reminders in your home of places you've been, things that inspire or people you love. (Or any combination of the three). Happy Saturday!

Christi & Ryan

One of my dearest friends, Christi, got married right before Christmas. Her wedding pictures are stunning. I'm not talking about, I-think-they-are-stunning-because-I'm-biased-because-she's-my-friend. They are stunning.

Click here: C & Ryan.

You'll see.

where in the world

did 2010 go?

i'm not sure.

and as a new year washes onto shore, the resurgence of resolutions fill the air and motivations are ignited anew. too often i try to justify my resentment towards new years resolutions. today i'm found appreciative at the thought of a continuous wave of restoration that washes over my heart and life.

i want start this year with a refreshed heart, new desires and an inexhaustible hope. the last few months has felt somewhat like a swallow water tread. for lack of a better vocabulary, my soul is longing. increasingly longing for more.

more depth.

more understanding.

more patience.

more grace.

more compassion.

more love.

more discipline.

more steadfastness.

more of more that is found in One.

+ vs. -

a conversation I had while helping a six year old little boy do his homework:

M: "Have you been practicing your subtraction? Do you have any questions before you start?"

S: "Really, I just like addition better than subtraction."

M: "That's ok, but why is that?"

S: "Well when it's like eating cookies and doing addition, you get to eat more. But when you subtract them, you have less cookies."

M: "Totally understandable."