insisting joy

You'll have to excuse my absence. The past two months have seemed like a whirlwind, interrupting and invading normalcy with such unrelenting vigor I thought I may not withstand it's pace. But Jason and I have experienced God's grace, we've seen glimpses of his reconciliation begin in dark places, and we've rejoiced in his kindness and goodness to us as we approach our wedding day. It's funny to think about what I pictured this season to look like. How I vowed will all the energy I could that it would be joyous. As if I was given the power to insist gladness from my days. It has most certainly been a season of celebrating what has transpired and what is in store. What gift we have found in our families and friends who have encouraged and counseled us along the way! But, as life has a way of doing, it has held circumstances we couldn't foresee. Honestly, I didn't always handle them with grace. Why now? Again, believing in my desires more than the truth that God so sweetly reminds us of in Isaiah 55:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Oh yeah. Of course, they are. Oh, that His ways would be higher than ours. That truth is life giving, for in it we can surrender and trust. Knowing that God is not merely in this very moment, but in all our moments to come. Also knowing, he is deeply concerned about the refinement of his people, that means perspective may just take it's own time to take form.

I feel it impossible, and perhaps unnecessary, to try and share all that has happened. But I also feel it's time to be a little vulnerable and cease trying to insist joy from my days. Rather than insisting, I'm learning to appreciate it's presence along with the not-so-joyous things as well.

One story I must share, that is long overdue, will be one of my favorites to tell the rest of my life. A little tale of a clueless lady and a sweet gentleman that ended up in Chicago one Saturday morning.